Yes, social media may make it look like I live a “perfect life” or “I think I’m hot shit”…but I’m only human. Just like the rest of you. Some days, my day isn’t all butterflies and rainbows. I battle with insecurities. Tons of them actually. There are days where I don’t even feel I have a purpose to get out of bed. I try not to allow it to happen all too often but they still happen. And that’s okay. We just can’t stay in that space. It’ll only destroy us….and that’s what I’m trying to do. Not let that kind of stuff destroy me. I try to keep head above water as well. My life isn’t perfect. It’s far from it. But at least I can say I wake up every day trying to be better. A better human.
Often times, especially on social media…we can easily portray a “perfect life”. You know what is missing? Authenticity. People need to know they’re not alone. Because you aren’t. We are all facing ourselves day to day! It’s not an easy victory though. Those demons could be a complete powerhouse. It may take all that you have but it’s not invincible. Because we could win against these demons and come out a better person. I truly just try to have as much fun as possible. I don’t want the judgement. I never came to hurt anyone. I just live my little life.
You have to realize, we’ll die one day. It may be soon, it may not. But our day will come. So just try your hardest to remain happy. Try to judge less (including myself), and try to vibe in positivity. Be yourself and share your authenticity. No matter how scary it is. Someone may need you….because vulnerability is one of the true hidden gems of humanity. Truth is, someone battling what you’re battling could see that and understand they’re not alone. So in doing so, you’re done a great thing. You don’t have to fake like your life is happy all the time. Because it isn’t. None of ours are. Clearly you can see mine isn’t….but I’m blessed.
I get to wake up another day to enjoy all of this. Even the hard times because those hard times become the greatest memories. I get to pursue a goal. I get to love my dogs and my girl another day. I get to sew cool shorts. I even get to sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing!! Isn’t that amazing? I get to do so many things on Tomorrow. I’m blessed as fuck and I don’t feel sorry for myself! I’m the truth. I can overcome the bad inside of me. I can do anything! Even though every day is a new battle. I’ve defeated him plenty of times and will continue to do so. So the last thing I want is pity. I’m a savage. What I do want is to show you my ass go through it too and I’m nowhere close to perfect. But I’m trying.
Some nights i sit awake just thinking about my life, thinking about the people i’ve hurt. Sometimes i want to reach out just to say im very sorry. I didn’t know myself back then. Some days i get in my car and go for a ride just to be alone. I need it sometimes. There’s days where Nicole have to remind me how amazing i am because if you ask me….my answer would be i’m a horrible human. But again, each day, i try….and I think it’s a great idea you try too. It’s okay to be fucked up sometimes. It’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to cry sometimes. Just don’t live there. Pack that baggage up and continue kicking life’s ass. We’ll all end up better in the end.
I love you!!