Volunteered Loneliness – Personal Entry 0402

Well…..you know the pandemic is going on. Life is pretty crazy right now. Not really a fun time to be alive. LMAO but I just had something on my mind. Like, I don’t know what’s wrong with me or what’s wrong with my brain. When it comes to my social life, it’s really weird. Like, I HAVE FRIENDS!!! I have people I know and they’re great people….but somehow, I still have no social life. I get invited to do a ton of shit….but nothing really excites me. I just don’t want. I can hardly remember anything from my past but I think i’ve had someone betray me when I was younger. That just ruined my trust forever.

Maybe if I could remember, that’ll help me a lot. It’s hard for me to get close to someone. I’m scared to disappoint people. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I guess I don’t want anyone to hurt me. Idk. But days can get lonely. Yes, I have my girl. That’s perfect. Not one complaint there. I’m referring to like a guy or group of homies. All of my homies are back home. My brothers are back home. UGH. Mike is in the army LMAO But i’ve met some amazing guys here in Austin that I enjoy kicking it with! But it’s nothing like kicking it with the ones you truly love! Who has been around for quite some time. Who knows you in and out. I probably need to just give people a chance. I need to give MYSELF a chance.

So….i’m trying. I really am. After this corona shit is over with, i’ll go enjoy myself a little more. I’ll say yes a little more and actually go through with it. I’ll make memories and fun times with others. Some people say they don’t get enough personal time, but I get TOO MUCH damn personal time. lol My eyes are burning. Allergies are messing me up man. I’ll finish watching this episode of the office and turn on some family guy. Yep, i fall asleep to family guy literally every night. I even received a family guy dvd collection for christmas a few years back!!!! haha i’m pretty obsessed with it. I’ve watched every episode……..40 times each. Hey, i ain’t shame to say it. haha GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!! Love you guys!